Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
