there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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