just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
