I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
