ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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