a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
