you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
