i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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