Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
