Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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