singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
