Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
