On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize