Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
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