My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
