I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
