i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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