You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
