Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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