let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
