Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
