I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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