I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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