Whod you bang
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
They are going to name an STD after you.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
