i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
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So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
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So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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