I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
