I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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