You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
