well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
