If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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