Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
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Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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