We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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