JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
