So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
