I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just threw up on my dentist
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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