I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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