YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
