I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
