it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
