well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
