When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
