I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
