I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
