Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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