I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
