So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
