I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
