I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
