your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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