Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
