pop tarts are not kleenex
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
