Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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