I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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