My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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