So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
