That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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