Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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