Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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