maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
