I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
