i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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