my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
