Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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