Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I CAN MOONWALK!
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Boobs are out for the taking
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
