Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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