I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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