South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
