don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
