This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
