omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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