my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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