I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
