This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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