just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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