I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
