Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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