ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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