Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
