Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Pappa wants mamma naked
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
