Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
