just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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