what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
