i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
