I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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